Post by peekaboo on Jan 20, 2009 16:58:31 GMT -8
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started.
____________________________________________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about
3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started.
____________________________________________________________
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
So I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started.
____________________________________________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
And then the fight started.
____________________________________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car..
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started.
____________________________________________________________
Still fighting
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up
to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on
the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I
cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight started ...
____________________________________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And then the fight started ...
____________________________________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not
happy with what she saw and says to me, 'I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started .....
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started.
____________________________________________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about
3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started.
____________________________________________________________
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
So I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started.
____________________________________________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
And then the fight started.
____________________________________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car..
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started.
____________________________________________________________
Still fighting
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up
to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on
the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I
cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight started ...
____________________________________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And then the fight started ...
____________________________________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not
happy with what she saw and says to me, 'I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started .....